So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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