In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize