So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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