It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
