Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
