$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
