The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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