that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
