i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
