my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
