Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
