I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
