i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
