Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
