I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
