I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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