WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
