Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
