you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
