Betty ford says i'm here all night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
