So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
