ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
