i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
