Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
