I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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