Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
