She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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