just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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