I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
