THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
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Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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