If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
