We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
