ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
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