he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
