I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Who died my cat blue again?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
