shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
another moral hangover. fuck.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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