Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
