You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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