Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
