so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
