yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
