i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
