My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
