had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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