just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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