I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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