I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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