It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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