seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
