so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
