RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
