My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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