don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
