FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
