You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
