My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
