Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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