and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
