Your dad touched me again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
