Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
