We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
