I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
