My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
NoShamevember. You game?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
