Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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