i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pants are for mortals
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
