I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
