We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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