I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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