Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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