Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
