I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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