glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
