in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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