Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
