Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
