ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
