Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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