i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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