I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize