Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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