Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
