oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
