I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
